7 mistakes parents make with teens

‘There have been times when I’ve been frustrated and, I’ll admit it, a bit hurt over my inability to connect with my teens. I’m guessing my frustrations are shared by other parents who are trying so hard but going about this relationship in all the wrong ways. I’ve worked hard to figure out when and where I was getting off-track in relating to my teens. Along the way, I confronted several pitfalls worth passing along.

Do you speak to your teens as if they are still little kids? Parenting must change if you wish to keep your relationships strong. This includes not only the content but also the tone of conversation. “You need to treat them more like adults than children. Truly listen and heed their point of view, even if you disagree vehemently,” says John Duffy, clinical psychologist and author of the “The Available Parent: Radical Optimism for Raising Teens and Tweens.” “We all want our point of view respected, and your teen is no different.”’

Read in full on The Washington Post.

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THE MYSTERIOUS WONDERFUL SPRING BREAK TRIP THAT NEVER HAPPENED

Sometimes when great plans fall apart, something just as beautiful emerges.

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It’s an honor to publish again with Grown & Flown on the topic of teens and spring break~

Our senior daughter asked to fly out-of-state for a spring break trip to visit her best friend in Indianapolis where we used to live. “With college coming, I need to say my good-byes,” she said. She planned on attending college overseas and the significance of leaving friendships behind was real. We appreciated her intentional care for the good people in her life and this particular friendship was rare. After giving it some thought, we gave our permission for her to take this trip.

Yet, I smarted with this abrupt departure from family tradition. As a tight-knit family, we’d never vacationed separately and I tingled with a bittersweet mixture of emotions. It was her last spring break before college and she wanted to do something without us. Much as I understood her desire to see her dear friend, it was enlightening that she was willing to forego a family vacation and the host of memories and inside-jokes that would invariably be added to family lore. This was a signal among others that she was readying herself to leave. At her age, I knew her desire was a healthy one, this eagerness to chart her own course.”

Read in full here. Thank you for your comments!

My Son Listened To A Book, Not Me. And That’s OK.

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“I know I can’t take any credit for this victory and honestly, it doesn’t matter. I long ago accepted that it takes a village to raise a child. Today, I recognize that books are influential members of this community as well.”

Parents, sometimes the best thing to do is to step back and shut-up. Intervention can happen for your tween/teen, too…and often from places you didn’t expect. Parenting is not a solo job–it’s welcoming the ‘village’ around you! Thank you for reading  my essay on Today Parenting Team and sharing with others.

Read in full: http://community.today.com/parentingteam/post/my-son-listened-to-a-book-not-me-and-thats-ok_1475022188

 

6 Pieces Of Unconventional Marriage Advice I Gave My Son

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“Tying the knot is the easy part; staying together requires some intentional habits.

Dear Teenage Son,

Today your dad and I celebrated our 24th wedding anniversary. It was a remarkable day since increasingly we see marriages that are falling apart. Tying the knot is the easy part; staying together requires some intentional habits and staying in love.

Well, that most certainly doesn’t happen by chance. Here are some things you may be unaware of that your dad has worked hard on to keep us together and in love over the years.”

Read in full: http://www.yourtango.com/2016287952/six-pieces-unconventional-marriage-advice-gave-my-son

Love City, Love Bike

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Love City, Love Bike

In downtown Austin, the clerk helps me with my groceries: wine, chocolate, tea, pepperoni and eggs.

“Is a double-bag fine?”

Uh-huh, I nod and add to please pack things tightly.

I load my sturdy basket behind the seat of my old lady’s bike, as my teens call it. I’m mostly worried the eggs won’t make it home on the path that leads to our downtown high-rise apartment.

When we moved to Austin not only did we downsize to fit our family of four into an apartment in the heart of the city, we freed ourselves of our second car. Between bikes, Uber and car-sharing options, having one car was completely rational. Biking around town is our preference, whether to the store, doctor or coffee shop.

Go to Austin American-Statesman for the full story.

What Happened When I Quit Helicopter Parenting And Let My Kids Choose Their Own Path

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“I’m a safety mom. A safety person, in fact. During a past ski trip, I consistently arrived back at the chairlift last, underscoring my obvious preoccupation with not hurting myself. I checked my speed the entire descent down the mountain. Speed is not my middle name.

My teens were ahead of me. And though cautionary words were on the tip of my tongue, I made no effort to prohibit them from their rapid downhill flight. I didn’t want to harden their resolve.

People who thrive are people who are being who they believe they were meant to be. That is exactly what I want for my kids, and probably pretty close to what you want, too. We want our kids to mature into independent young adults who can make wise choices on their own.”

Read in full on Scary Mommy: http://www.scarymommy.com/club-mid/quit-helicopter-parenting/

The Days

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You lift your eyes and there is a bird across the street perched on the topmost point of the firehouse bell-tower. Why does she just sit there? What does she see? You need to follow the way of this mama-bird, to get up high above the trees so that you can know where you’ve been and where you’re going. 

Truth is, the longer you’ve been a mom, the clearer are your failures.

Read the essay in full on Mamalode.